jerrylentz’s posterous

...while she talked my chicken noodle soup had turned cold and my grilled cheese sandwich was rigor mortis hard.

She had slid into my booth and sighed. Uncomfortable silence. Then.

"I was packing boxes because we're moving, right? And I found pictures of my dad that I've never seen. They must have been taken just months before my mother killed him," that's how she opened the talk.

She told me when she was about five years old, mom, dad and her moved out into the country to an old farm house. They just got there and there was no power on yet and it was dark. Her mom and dad had been fighting.

Her dad said he was going to go out to the U-Haul trailer and get the camping gear so they'd have lights and sleeping bags. He came running back in and said there was a guy out there in the dark watching.

He pulled a gun out of a bag and gave it to her.

Her mom took her to a dark room and they both huddled down in the empty closet. The held each other for a while then the mom opened the closet door to see if anything was going on and while the door was open wide they could see out a window that was in that room. Suddenly a man ran up to the window to look in. Her mom pushed her back into the closet and they held each other tight.

They heard two men yelling and screaming.

The mother told her to stay put but she didn't want to be left alone! She began crying. Her mom closed the door on her.

She heard more screaming and two loud gunshots, then silence.

She laid flat on the floor of the closet and looked under the door. Then she saw a man's shoes walking into the room. The closet door swung open and a strange man stood over her. She began screaming.

Her mother rushed in screaming, "Leave her alone! I told you I'd take care of her!"

She was scooped up by her mother and wrapped in a towel and walked out of the house, but as they went through the kitchen the towel slid off her head and she saw her dad on the linoleum floor dead in a pool of blood.

She was put in the strange man's car and her mother sat with her playing the radio really loud with country music. She said her mom began painting her nails and snapping her gum.

The strange man set the house on fire and the three of them drove away.

When she woke up she was living with an Aunt and her mother was gone to be a missionary.

Then when she was in the 3rd Grade she was in the playground and she saw a strange woman by the fence looking at her.

At the end of the school day she was walking to get on the bus and the woman pulled her aside. It was her mother and she got in the car with her and the man and they drove off leaving behind all her clothes, toys, Aunt and school to live in another town hours away.

She woke up in bed the next day in a trailer park all hungry, so she walked into the kitchen to get something to eat and outside the window the Police had the strange man and her mom on the knees out front at gunpoint. A woman in a suit came in and took her away and she told me no one fed her for the whole day.

Her Aunt came to pick her up.

When she was in High School she found out her mom had been married to a guy before her dad, but the guy went to prison.

When he broke out of prison he went looking for her mother and her dad tried to keep them apart, so he moved them out to that farm house to hide. Her mom set her father up to be killed, however the strange man just couldn't do it, so at the last minute her mother killed her dad.

The things you can learn at a cafe at 4AM if you just listen.

I was perusing eBay thinking of posting some items of my own that I would like to unload and noticed that there were very few listers doing what I want to do.

It seemed like it was all companies listing stuff at "Buy It Now" with big opening bids. It was like buying on Amazon and not an auction at all.

Whenever I posted before I played the game of starting off with the opening bid at $1 and seeing what fun transpired, but doesn't seem people are doing much of that now.

There was a News Reporter interviewing a Pawn Shop owner with the idea you can always get a clear idea of the coming economy by talking to them and the shop owner said, "Buy canned goods and rice, because it's gonna get rough."

...however, be careful what you want.

Like for example; You could say to yourself, "Man, I want a really Hot Chick in bed with me right now!" And one day you could be banging a girl in your bed who suddenly and spontaneously bursts into flame without explanation.

It happens.

A long time ago I used to have a TV Show, it was fun for awhile and when it became not very much fun at all I quit, but it became even more popular in reruns and I began to miss it.

Or miss what it could bring to me.

I want another TV Show!

In Hollywood over the holidays I was in talks with a man who had approached me with the idea of doing a show similar to one I've been thinking about for a few years. This man created one of the biggest rated specials in the history of Fox Television. I knew his name and work when he contacted me. The guy is huge! He wants me to be a part of the show!

Then out of the blue another show contacted me the next day, after they had seen a series of videos I posted on YouTube and one that appeared on CBS, BBC and The Maury Povich Show... They wanted to shoot their pilot around the subject and location I covered in some of the videos.

Two shows with similar subjects contacting me two days apart... That's Amazing!

But we'll see what happens. You never know about these things.

I hope I came across okay in the video they shot of me. I was trying to be cool, clear, exciting and sexy. I even wore girdle to hold my stomach in and stuffed a few tube socks in my pants to give me that "something extra" magic.

But as the night went on and my shots were delayed, there was a lot of standing around so the socks became dislodged and made their way around under my crotch and nestled themselves uncomfortably in the crack of my ass, making it painful to sit down during my interview. There were many people on the crew, I felt self conscious about digging around in my pants to adjust my junk, so for the shots of me standing or showing people around, that bulge in the back of my pants surely must have looked like I had dropped a load in my Huggies.

The next day a little kid at work wanted to know if I thought those "ghost hunting" shows were real? So I asked, "What do you think?"

"I don't believe in that paranormal crap!" he said.

Being silly I mawkishly said, "You are such a skeptic, you probably think everything Cris Angel and David Blaine does is fake!"

His face changed and he said very seriously, "Oh no! They levitate and walk on water! Out in the streets in front of people... How can you fake what they do?"

What can you say to that?

...but I rarely wear tees with text on them.

I guess that's because I want to be the message, not the carrier of a message. However, there are some great t-shirts out there and some cool companies putting great designs out that I really want!

There's nothing more fun than trying to read a t-shirt on a girl and she says something like, "Please stop looking at my tits!" That happened to me!

I encountered laundry day a few weeks ago were I had nothing clean to wear but a tee that had at one point a message on it, but numerous washing faded the text to a mere whisper and a girl was squinting to read it and not wanting to miss an opportunity, I said, "Please stop looking at my tits!"

So she slung her head back and laughed really hard then reached out and pinched me on my nipple and walked away laughing!

Now if a man had done that he'd be put in jail!

Women can get away with stuff like that!

Just when I get excited about all the possibilities for 2009, I have to go and write out a check for Rent!

Now I'm drained of all strength I was storing up to use to shower and get dressed. I can't believe writing a check can wear me out so much. But it does.

I went to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" at 5 yesterday cause it's the cheap show and I wasn't so sure about it, but I love David Fincher and he's never failed me before. That movie is really good, it's long, but I almost started crying at the end. But I held back, many people in the crowd did cry, you could hear it.

A couple behind me talked all through it and I was thinking about that News report about the guy that shot that man who was talking through the same movie! So after the movie I turned around and asked them if they had seen that News item?

There was panic on their faces like I might be packing.

Assholes! They'd laugh at a sad parts and they were texting someone and giggling, she even took a call on her cell and didn't get up to leave... It was awful.

I hate going to the movies because of that, but the theaters promote that kinda behavior with all their Verizon Ads they play before the film.

I was pretty mellow and didn't shoot anyone because before the movie I had an Enchilada De Pablano and a Large Top Shelf Margarita that almost knocked me out. Bad part there is an awesome flooding scene in the film and I already had to pee so bad, I could barely hold it.

New Years Parties? I missed everything! After the flick, I had to some work, then went home to nap and slept through the whole thing!!! I guess I was tired...

I had a dream Brad Pitt and I became friends and he took me fishing and hang gliding, then we went go kart racing, he bought me a corndog, he asked me advice about his career, then he gave me a skateboard he had airbrushed with our image we had taken in a photo-booth... Then I bolted awake!

"Dang, Was that Gay or what?" I said out loud.

I blame the Large Top Shelf Margarita, but a good corndog does sound good now as I type this.

There are so many things I want to do this year, so many things I wanna do this month! This year will be My Year I just know it! I know I've said that in the previous years, but maybe then I just wasn't ready for my greatness to be revealed, to even me.

Being this is the 1st, I could try the Fast again... It worked last month for at least 15 days before the chest pains threw me off track. When I went to LA I had bloated back up even more than I was before the Fast and it was sad cause everyone is so thin there.

I only need to lose about 50 pounds to be pretty on camera! There are people that I see that look skeleton thin in person, but on camera they just look good and hot. Why? Not fair!

Steve sent me an email about how I could be writing off all that Steak n'Shake food!

Food as Fuel: If You Bike For Work, Is Your Lunch Tax Deductible?

...through, lost, confused, poor, and bored...

The last 80 years of my life have pretty much sucked sweaty donkey balls!

I really need to get my drunk on this New Years!

Been invited to a few parties, but I dunno, I see myself getting drunk by myself and thinking about how I can get my life going the way it needs to be this new year.

I just need to be alone to think and drink.

...a list of things I want to do in 2009 that I made on my flight back from LA.

It's really the same list I've made since I was a kid, but most of the things I've never even got close to getting done, like being an Astronaut and living on Mars.

Or learn to levitate!

There were some other things on there that were also probably impossible to do. But it's a list I'm sticking with in 2009!

...for something, because coming back and seeing what mess my apartment was left in has made me want to get rid of almost everything!

I hardly have anything, but it's still too much for me!

Can't have a Yard Sale here, maybe eBay? Nah, too much work!

I dunno what to do!

I feel antsy, I think I'm coming down with something I might have picked up on the plane. I don't want to get sick!

...not a good month for planes in Denver, but luckily it turned out okay with hardly anyone on the plane back to Missouri.

The Flight Attendant was sassy and picked on me for various things, then suggested I move to a seat by the Exit Row for more space as long as I help her in case of Emergency... I didn't want to hear that!

Being that the plane was late, I only had a short about of time to get back home, shower and head in to work. Awful! I was too tired and a ton of work was ahead of me.

After work I drove home not really knowing how I made it for I surely had slept my way there. My bed missed me and welcomed me!

I dreamed of LA and UFOs.

...in "Valkyrie" in Century City and I thought it was a wonderful movie that I found myself choked up watching.

It's weird, like "Titanic" weird in the sense that I know how it's gonna end and as it gets closer I feel such dread. Cool stuff! Not a perfect film, but perfect for me at the moment.

Had Mojitoes and Thai food and walked around the Container Store.

Great Day!

But I know the end is getting closer...