What field am I generating that holds this form that is me together? Sometimes I feel like flying apart and scattering to the wind like pollen and find purchase in your warm sinuses, entering your bloodstream, traveling through you, influencing your thoughts and dreams from within your system.

Isn't it every seven years that every molecule in our bodies have changed, so that we are completely different from before, yet basically the same? Are we actually like skyscrapers? Some thought floated out of the fabric of the ether and began gathering elements to build us from some plan laid out in the dream of that thought. The luckiest sperm, the most persistent swimmer, the smartest wiggling tadpole with the best sense of smell and direction, slipping past all competition to plunge headfirst into an egg igniting a spark that grows into the slow explosion that is you.

The power it took for us to arrive, the fight, the pressure, the violent exertion of nature, the concussion and wake of our journey should result in a life worth living, a life worthy of the effort, a life lived in thanks, one that earns the gift. Yet, I am here on the floor typing to you surrounded by my unkempt accumulation of worthless items gathered in a dull existence, a dust gathering flea market rather than the content of a man's personal belongings, the hand-me-downs of forgotten people, a re-gifted life, a thrift-store of broken dreams and I wonder, where is my skyscraper? Who is my architect? Was he fired? Am I it? All that work for this? What have I built, other than this carbon footprint, other than this floating island of lost and unsent messages in plastic water bottles, other than this poor reassembled shattered soul held together with band-aids and kisses?

I float up of of my body. I feel it. I'm numb. I'm vibrating and tingling. I'm happy and wrapped in love. I hover above myself. I feel golden. I want to stay, because I know this is where I'm from and everything else is wardrobe, props, set dressing, and staged in a play, but as soon as I think it, I'm back in my body.