...of me up onstage and you below me in the dark, while I entertain and arouse your emotions.

It felt good to not be performing these last few days! Always putting on a show. Always pretending to be someone else. Acting older. Wearing makeup. Dressing in an old man's clothes. Walking funny with a cane. 

I believe my cold and illness hit me because my body was rejecting the pressure of being onstage. It doesn't seem natural to do it. Yet, once I'm onstage no other place seems to be better. It's like I'm meant to be there. I feel the excitement, the energy, then suddenly, I lose myself, I become someone else, something else… I feel free!

Ya know what? I'm once again dreading Friday and Saturday. It must stop! When will this torment end?

Well, it ends this weekend! I want it to be over, but I know I will be sad. Sad to not have all those feelings churning up inside me. I must plan my next project! I want to write a play. I want to stage something unique and never done before, or an old play in a way it's never been seen. Something surprising. Something shocking. Something that can't be ignored even if it's hated. I want to drive a nail into the mind of an audience!

I won a race yesterday where I was running against a teenager! She tried her best. She even ran completely out of her shoes! I was weighted down with two heavy coats and a pocket of loose change and various nasal inhalers and Cherry Chapstick due to my illness and the cold weather, but still I beat this healthy young girl! I am the friggin' man! Where's my award?

For a reward, I had a bottle of chocolate milk! May not mean much to you, but I haven't had one in years, being I'm lactose intolerant and have reduced dairy from my strict diet. Still, it was an absolute pleasure feeling the cool smooth pasteurized and homogenized goodness cascade over my hot wet tongue while getting a Grade A Vitamin D high.

I'm just proud because I've been feeling old lately and May is coming up quick and being 29 doesn't last forever and even if the teenager is rather sickly girl, she's young, thin, and Ninja-like, so winning that race was one of my proudest moments.

Got the most awesomest news I could ever get! Something I've wanted for 20 years has had the last obstacle removed from my path. All the puzzle pieces have fallen into place. All the dots are connected. All the stars have aligned. OMG! Now I'm scared! I just need someone to hold my hand and walk me through it!

It's top secret! I really wish I could share, but just know it's a good and wonderful thing! I may be able to reveal this news by my b'day! I hope so, anyway! Still reeling from the excitement! Let me see how this goes. I can't ever keep a secret anyway.