I told you never to call me here! Well, now that you are here, with me, in this bathroom, where the sound is good and quiet and where I do my best thinking, let's talk.

Been thinking about the Wedding. Thinking of taking dance lessons. Dang, I was gonna sing a Robbie Williams song at my wedding, too! Now that ain't happening. Sorry, baby!

Got to lose some weight, but I'm so hungry! For me to eat, your pie must be hot with vanilla ice cream dripping off and melting on your plate. It will be sticky, but I will lick your china clean! Imagine me eating, you out in the kitchen, squirting whipped cream, lighting candles, pouring wine and getting ready to walk in and surprise me with what you are wearing, or maybe what you are not wearing. I want it so good, you give it to me, now!

I feel big and fat! It's so hard. I need to lose about 60 pounds. I bet 2 weeks don't go by for me where some club or bar owner doesn't ask me if I'd be interested in security or being a bouncer. I'm always being given military discounts on things like food or movies when I have no military experience and I have given up explaining that, because I like a deal and I'm tired of disappointing people when they find I'm just a big pussy whose martial arts training comes from Sonny Chiba and Sammo Hung movies. If I had some good regular money coming in I'd take karate lessons. Then I could really hurt those guys that are always bothering you, leering at you, pawing at you and manhandling you. Would you like that? Me beating up those evil men? 

Maybe I should take some weapons training, too?

Still need a suit. I like this Perry Ellis, but I don't have that kinda money right now.

http://www.perryellis.com/Blazers-and-Outerwear/Solid-City-Fit-Suit-Jacket/invt/49hj4420ps&bklist=

May the 27th is coming up and I need it, or something like it. I know it might be too warm, but I'd like this jacket that Sherlock wears, too.

http://www.therpf.com/f24/sherlock-bbc-coat-anyone-found-93090/

Watching "Sherlock: The Blind Banker" again! They better hurry up and make more episodes! Anyone know where I can get Sherlock's coat, or one just like it? It would look awesome on me! Maybe I can get someone to make it for me as a wedding present?

She asked me, "Will you take me to see the new, 'Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides' when it opens?" I said, "Baby, please! I have a far better pirate movie for us to watch. Here, pop this in!" The kids will love it! Even Johnny Depp loves the French!

Who wouldn't want to see this French/Pirate/Clown/Horror/Nudie Show? I know, right? I'll even watch it again!