Traveled down to Apalachicola, Florida with Jessica and the girls to do some ghost hunting. We didn't experience too much horror until I expectedly awoke at 3am feeling a huge sense of dread only to open up to my Facebook feed to see news of the tsunami. 

We stayed in the fantastic Coombs Inn. That's Jessica and me on the stairs in the misty and murky photo above. 

http://www.coombshouseinn.com/

It was all in hopes of getting some ghost stories for my documentary. That was discussed here.

The trip was very much needed by me! I've been so depressed lately. I feel trapped and panicked. The smallest things can unnerve me. Someone can say something as innocent as, "You have a baby voice!" or "You need to be on a lease!" or "How'd you get so ugly?" or "You're so weird!" and it'll hurt my feelings. I know it shouldn't. I should accept them in the way they were possibly meant, with love. The thing is, I do accept them and believe them. The more hurtful the statement the more true it is for me! I will take what someone says to me with more value than I would have for myself. 

I wish I had an "Unfriend" button in real life, but then the most hurtful things are said by those who I'm told care about me. I told a friend about this and she said anytime someone says anything mean to her she replies, "Yeah, and you're fat!" She said it's stupid but it works for her. I said, but what if a child says it? She said, "Oh, it's so much better, because you get to see them cry!"

I told her how I find that when people tell me something hurtful, they like to end it with, "…just saying!" As if that it's okay, like it were an out for them to be cruel. She thought for a minute and said, "Only fags and butch lesbians say that!" 

"Really?" 

"Wouldn't it feel better to know that?" she asked.

All in all, the trip was nice, but getting back… Back to where? There's no back? I'm homeless for fuck sake! I need a trip to escape the trip! I need to drug up on a real trip!

I wish I had a chunk of money so I could just get the hell out! I find that I'm increasingly enjoying communicating through email more than I am via telephone, chat, or even verbally. I just think I'm better at being alone, people misunderstand me even more now. I'm not very good at writing either. Can't talk or write... I'm worse than trying to communicate with a ghost. I'm a ghost of my former self!

I'm haunting myself!