When I was in 3rd grade I found a desk of nudie playing cards in a ditch. 

Free Education! 

I learned so much! Not just about playing cards but about women's bodies. It had been a complete mystery to me up until then.

Also learned I could make money from the cards. Not just from gambling on Crazy 8, but from charging to look at the naked girls!

Gum, Marbles, Coin... The World was MINE for the taking!

I let one kid, Todd, who begged me to look, see one card, he did, but then wanted the Quarter back or he was gonna tell. Women's bodies really scared him I guess. He threatened to go tell the teacher. 

I wasn't about to refund the Quarter, but he stormed off across the playground to the school. Panic set in and I quickly tore out a page from my Big Chief Writing Tablet and scribbled:

"Todd, I am not giving you back your nekkid woman pictures! I think it is wrong for you to have this and I am going to give it to the Principle if you don't! Jerry"

Wrapped it around the deck of cards and shoved it into my pockets. 

Sure enough, here came the Teacher stomping across the playground with Todd all smiles running along side. 

Pussy-Ass-Snitch!

But guess who got paddled by the Principal?