...and can break down in tears over the saddest thing, or even the sweetest thing. It's really not because I'm getting older, or because I'm now 46 Days in Ketosis, but more likely because I'm mentally and emotionally unstable. I found it so hard to watch the News, I disconnected my cable and now my TV receives no signal other than that from the DVD Player and sometimes the Spirit World, but watching any tragedy being reported was so hard for me to deal with that I would be down for days, weeks, even months.

The World is filled with devastation, with starving babies, floods, droughts, hurricanes, murder, rape, crime, hate... I hear it, then feel it, I am thankful it's not me, I call a friend and we talk, I might send money, but mainly I turn the lights down and hope no one knows I'm home, no one busts in, no wall of water tears down the wall, kills my family, my friends, me...

It's too much for me most of the time!

I caught a bit of NPR today when a reporter was describing the scene of a young nude girl whose body went into shock after being pulled out of rubble of Haiti's quake, was awaiting medical attention that was already overwhelmed and slow, but the reporter burst into tears and could barely continue. It was heart-wrenching to hear. I'm trying to be happy! I want 2010 to start off good! I've been sad and depressed for 20 of my 29 years!

I can't help everyone. I can't help anyone! I can't help myself.

I feel everything! But I want to be numb.

It's never enough, but I can't go on feeling like I didn't even try, so maybe you're like me and you know it will at least make you feel slightly better to give what you can. Then you can sleep with fewer tears on your pillow.

www.unicefusa.org/haitiquake

Then, reward yourself for doing the right thing by laughing and feeling love, because I'm not sure all my sadness ever did anything for anybody, even myself!

Laugh, it somehow opens a door to your heart! Your heart is like a radio transmitter and if you truly feel love and happiness it sends out a powerful signal to everyone, even so-called enemies, because we are all leaves on the same tree!

"Jerry, How can I laugh? I gave money, but still... How can I laugh?"

You must live! You must love! We all need to laugh so hard we lose control!