My car is safely parked for a quick exit in the alley, my sneakers are off, my belt loosened, the top one on my button fly jeans is undone, my pistol is unholstered and resting within reach, her yearbook photo is tucked into the frame of the mirror, the washcloth is swollen with cool water and applied to my hot face, the lone candle that lights the room flickers in a breeze which I hope signals her arrival through my front door.

"Baby, you take me to such great heights. You make me high. You're my sweet drug, Jerry," she had whispered with hot breath on my ear just before she climbed off me and left for her mom's. That was the last time I saw her.

It isn't her.

Just a breeze. A warm breeze. Heat rising with the stench of the streets below.

I so want to get away. This town isn't doing it for me. I thought if I could hold her tight I could feel myself, but I'm so numb. I feel dead. Inside and out. I'm ready to blow this place. Get away from it all. It just wasn't in the cards. So I'm gonna blow down this house of cards.

I'm a flight risk with a fear of heights.