Sometimes when all else fails to enliven my existence and shock the boredom away, I feel the need to drive. I believe my situation calls for a prolonged and butt numbing drive across many states.

Unburied the portable cooler from the bottom of the cluttered closet, I won it from one of "the no longer in operation" banks for opening up a checking account. I'll stock it full of bottled water, and lowcarb goodies like, lunch-meat, tuna, spinach, and such.

I'll need some aspirin and some painkillers, while I'm at it maybe some muscle relaxers and I should stop off at Sam's Club and pick up a Family Size box of condoms. Need to get some bullets for the handgun under my seat, in case I get lucky. Wait, that lucky thing was suppose to go with the condom sentence. Remember to change that!

Should go get my back waxed, too, cause if I'm getting condoms... Just being prepared. I want to be pleasing to whoever I might find that might in anyway... nevermind.

Lost a lot of weight so feeling kinda sexy, maybe I should pick up some tighter trousers and smaller panties. Gee, I wonder if I might need a smaller sized condom? If it's too big a condom... What do I...? Remember to bring duct tape! It fixes everything! Nothing kills the mood like fussing with a rubber!

Maps! Gotta get some maps! Check the tires and maybe get a tuneup! Change the oil! Clean the car! Get some air-freshener thing to hang from the rear view mirror, too.

Load up iPod with cool traveling tunes, nothing sad, but no disco, Selena Gomez or Taylor Swift... Rush, that's what I need some Rush and Hawkwind, Motorhead, Black Sabbath, the classics, man! Oh, and even bring some tapes in case the charge on the iPods wears down. 

Bring the video equipment! I might make a documentary of the trip! Interview people!

Now, I just need to figure out where I'm going?