This young woman was standing in from of me, facing me and talking, but I thought she was talking on her cellphone so I wasn't listening to her. She reached out and touched my shoulder to finally get my attention. She said, "Can you help me? I have the strap of my handbag caught on my loop earring!" Today I am someone's hero!

I know someone that that gets her hair caught in the purse strap a lot. I rarely get my hair caught in anything other than the zipper on my pants.

After my colonoscopy Jessica asked, "What did you learn?" And I said, "I learned that I'm not Gay!" Seriously, I have to hand it to gay guys... Please let them marry each other, serve in the military, and act on TV shows, because anyone that can enjoy having another man's fist up in his anus for an hour deserves the highest respect! I've also noticed my posture is different today! I'm walking tall.

This looks just like my colonoscopy video! Except, unfortunately, for the Raquel Welch part.

And the armies which were in heaven... Immediately after the tribulation of Rapture shall the sun be darkened, and the moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven, and the powers of the heavens shall be shaken... Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you... Damn! You Christians got Rickrolled!

Now they are backpedaling about the rapture.

Woman Slits Daughters Throat And Her Own For Fear Of Coming Tribulation

Well, Christians should just forgive her! I bet we're gonna hear more stories of murder and suicide come out in the next few days! Orson Welles was put through the ringer for his hoax "War of the Worlds" radio, why can't there be a public lynching of these religious radio killers?

I told a friend, "What if this is Heaven? What if this is all a dream? What if the Angels look just like regular people?"