The old lady at the Dollar Tree didn't even bat an eye and acts like she's seen it all when I asked, "Is it safe to use this Easter Egg Dye on my testicles?"

She looked at me and without a pause said, "Just don't hardboil them."

A friend/former dancer wrote to me, she said, "Remember when you used to strip at La Bare? I'm booking male dancers now and saw your Party posts. You were great! Want to do it again?"

I wrote, "That's sweet! I'm in better shape now, I think, but I'm getting married next month and I don't think my new wife will like me stripping for young girls."

"Not young women, this tour is for elderly and mature women. It's a whole new market!"

WTF???