Here are a few things I need to get out of my system. If you are sensitive about the butt, this shit I'm about to drop on you might upset you, so please pass on this.

As you may have read in previous adventures on this page I have been dealing with a terrible yeast infection seemingly brought on by my use of antibiotics for other horrible ailments. Every time I think it's gone, it comes back with a vengeance. I was informed by some other sufferers that I should just go to the "Lady Business" section of Walmart and buy one of those Monistat 1 Day treatments. So I did. Then later that night I read the instructions and every time "vagina" was mentioned I mentally replaced it with, "butthole."

I begin. I tear open the package of medical magic and spill the contents onto the instructions. On my knees, all clothes removed, beautifully smooth and tight, round ass up in the air, long, thick PVC pipe with plunger filled with yeast fighting goo ready to shove up my sweet donut, I'm counting down and ready to do it to myself when my friend, who is letting me spend the night there walks in. I know I must have looked like Richard Gere getting a gerbil enema, but without the gerbil or the Richard Gere, of course.

"Oh. Gee. I'm sorry. I just wanted to see if you needed a nightcap, more blankets, sheets or anything. Well... Goodnight."

I hope it works, cause I'm tired of feeling like my bowels are a micro brewery, but I love smelling like a bakery and the chicks dig that.

Today I was thinking about how every woman I've known has loved anal sex, they'd open up to me and tell me about how they learned how to have it done, the proper way, the painful first times, the joy of it, how their lovers wouldn't give it to them, but how they wanted it and finally figured out how to get it...

"Jerry, to get it in, a girl or boy has to act like they are about to poop, but DON'T POOP because that wouldn't be cool and the dude might not like it, unless he likes that sorta thing. The poop chute then opens up like the pretty mouth on a tunnel of love ride, but you better have that pole greased or it's gonna be a rough dance!" - Ass Aficionado and Star of "Butt Bang Beauties 9" and "Derriere Debutantes"

I know a woman now that has had it with past lovers, but says she would under no circumstances do it with her current boyfriend because she thinks he's too well endowed. I told her I bet he feels bad that she's giving her hole up to all those other men, but she rejects his member and allows no entrance into her potty palace. She just shrugs and says, "Ehh... Too bad for him. That's the price he has to pay for having a big fat knob."