There are a million things, I suppose. If I were a better writer, or a poet, I'm sure I could tell you. But maybe a picture is worth a thousand words. 

Since I posted the proposal video, I've received many very wonderful comments. Reading over them I can see people wanting to have a love in their lives that does for them what mine has done. 

I feel like a new man. I know I love her for who she is and how she's made me feel, but maybe more so for how I feel about myself when I'm thinking of her. I really feel anything is possible, that I'm capable of anything when I'm in her life. She inspires me. I want to do so many things with her. I wake up thinking how great it is that I can see her, call her, write her, touch her, taste her... I'm so lucky to be alive in a world at the same time she's alive. 

I feel like a time traveler being with her, because so many of my favorite memories are from being together when we were really just kids. I feel any successes I may have had in my life were really instigated by the loving support and encouragement she gave me way back then. I'm traveling back in time now to recapture that support from the best nurturing cheerleader I could ever have. 

I know I knew her before this life and feel we have spent many lifetimes seeking each other out… Over and over. The game is to always find her out of whatever population we find at the time. She's the lifeboat in the storm. She's the mountaintop in the flood. She's the lake in the drought. We held each other tight as we were covered in hot ash in Pompeii. We died caring for each other while we were afflicted with some plague. We were separated in a war and reunited years later and died peacefully together in a house fire. We have taken turns burying the other and living on a few years without them. Sometime we didn't find each other and prayed for the next life to begin. Many times we were very old when we died and did it so quietly it wasn't even a whisper. I feel it all, that history real or imagined, just as I'm slipping off to sleep, or just as I wake.

I feel nervous and giddy around her. I get tongue tied and stammer. I get heart palpitations when I see her walk into a room. I get a lump in my throat every time I pull up in my car and she runs out to jump in my arms. I can feel my eyes begin to water when she takes care of me, or fills a need I might have, or gives me a gift. And just having her look at me in person is the greatest gift of all.

Sometimes I feel like a monkey, a stupid little monkey putting on a show to get treats and attention. However, now that she's back in my life, there's no need to be "on" because she loves this monkey for what he is... a hairy little monkey that just wants to make her laugh and giggle and feel good.

There was a time not so long ago where I would be feeling okay about starting the day as I was waking up and then I would catch the reflection of my face in the mirror over the sink and I was like, "Who the hell is this old man?" My day would be ruined.

Now I can see my reflection and think, "That is that man, Jessica loves and wants to spend her life with, so you must be pretty special!" This monkey is evolving. 

How can anything hurt me with that protective force field of love surrounding me?