Went to a birthday dinner for Jessica's niece at a very nice Japanese restaurant. Her whole family was there and I of course had to arrive late, but still before the meal burst into flesh searing flames inches from my face.

Maybe it was the fumes of the food or the gasoline used, or the painkillers I dropped before getting there, but as I was looking at Jessica a strange form of deja vu sifted through me. It was like I passed through a wall. It was as though I arrived at some fork in the road of time and I had a choice to make as to which future I wanted or some part of my past to relive. Strange and weird.

I saw some blurred images flash before me of a girl that was in the throws of ecstasy. I knew instantly she was having an intense moment. Maybe it was the most intense and powerful feeling of her life. It seemed as though I had something to do with it. Was it the past? A past life? The future? A future life where this girl and this moment would occur?

My body shivered as it quickly played over me. It was just a flash, but the feeling was very deep and strong and it was hard and quick and it was warm and felt heavy and thick like honey. My heart raced. I wondered what my face looked like at that moment because Jessica was looking right at me when it hit me.

I must have looked insane! I could actually hear my heart beating in my ears and it was noisy in the restaurant, too. The sound was inside me. I could hear other sounds too. I faintly heard the woman screaming and moaning in pleasure as if it were on a radio being tuned in in another room. I felt somehow connected to something big and it was getting bigger and even bigger, still.

Something in the way the feeling moved through me gave me a freeing feeling. I had a sense of infinite possibilities. Anything could happen now. I could attain the pinnacle of happiness. I could embrace nirvana. I could reach out and touch the sky. Something opened in me, some chamber unlocked and widened and a warm joy flooded in and filled those empty spaces. Waves crashed. Fluids boiled. Thoughts churned, melted and merged.

This image of the woman quivering in waves of pleasure, laughing, screaming, aching, longing… Was it for me? Because of me? Is she a ghost? My angel? Someone from my past, my future or a parallel dimension? Did she come because I made a choice and that path leads to her? Maybe every time I do what I did, she finds her desire for me growing? Maybe she feels… the waiting for that moment in time when I come to you is almost unbearable, and you can think of nothing else but me. The more you try to think of something else, the more your mind comes back to me and you come and come again to me… and the deep penetrating emotion I create in you cascades over you.

This was in just a fraction of second, I imagine, but it was so deep and felt very long, so my mind was racing. I realized I was staring into Jessica's left eye all this time. I could notice the light reflected off of it and the depth and color like the night outside a window whose sill held a tall flickering candle. I wanted to stay there forever. Do you know what I mean? Have you felt this? Imagine for a moment what it feels like and tell me what it is.