Sometimes woman who feel empowered or are just psychotic hug me, then reach down and grab my crotch. Inappropriate! Unless they're Hot! I know most of the time it's for a laugh, but I used to be freaked out by it when it would happen. It's happened quite a bit lately, maybe it's my weight loss, or it's because I wear the Axe Dark Temptation, a chocolate-fragrancedbodyspray that makes me as irresistible as chocolate to women, but when it gives out after an hour or so, it smells like toxic ass. I mean, it may be just me, because of my whole diet of tuna and fish oil pills, but Jeez Louise... I go from women hugging and smooching on me to cats following me and to cats pouncing me and making biscuits on my chest.

I hardly notice the fishy smell, but does anyone really notice their own smell? My allergies are so bad, I actually sneezed out part of my spine! Not only are my eyes watering, nose running, sinuses stopped up, but I'm also two feet shorter!

I'm taking Claritin D, but I'm looking to find something called, Sinucomp, I think that's what it's called. My life, when it comes to breathing is miserable right now.

It's May, the month I was born! So I am happy that it's May. A beautiful month it is. It sounds so helpful and giving, like, "May I help you?" However, for me this month is also rather sexy, such as, "May I help you out of your panties?" So we should feel good, it's a happy month! Now kiss me!

Sometimes my personal space is invaded by people that are near-sighted and can only see things close up, so they get real close. I had an acquaintance actually lay her head on my shoulder the other day. I may have already told you about it. People generally feel really comfortable around me, unless they are unsure of themselves, or unable to control their emotions and fear what their capable of doing. Babies seem to dig me! Hardly a day goes by that I don't see a cute lil' baby smiling and waving at me. Many times kids will walk right over and either hug my leg or punch me in the nuts. But I know that the nut punch is only to bend me over so that my face is closer to theirs and they can kiss me on the head.

You'd think with my shaved head Black ladies might think I'm a skinhead, but many times they get all flirty with me. On my trip through Mississippi the other day, at a convenience store paying for gas a nice Black girl said to the clerk, who was also a Black girl, "Mmm, I'd like to get me some of that White Chocolate!" I thought she was wanting some candy behind the counter, but upon closer inspection of the situation as I was sitting back in my car and could see them through the window looking at me, I realized, I was the "White Chocolate!"

At my local laundromat the other day the severally Christian Lady that works in there said, to me, "Here's comes that fine bald head!" "Who me?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, I just love men who have pretty bald heads and Gray beards. Just LOVE them," she continued all embarrassed by her outburst.

Now, I'm not telling you all this to try and convince you or convince myself that I'm Hot, I'm just saying maybe it's because it's the month of May and it's a magical time, or it's the allergies, or the pollen, or whatever is that's like those love potion spores that Spock got sprayed with from those plants on the Hee-Haw-like planet that made him get all horny, that could be affecting everyone. Or maybe I'm just hot?

Just at the Goodwill store yesterday, I was looking at books, a woman came over, stood by me, then looped her arm around mine and asked, "What do we want for supper?" I said, "Not sure." Her face turned bright red from embarrassment and she apologized endlessly and then she found her husband and told him. It was cute.

They were both very sweet about it. He was just shaking his head like he knew she was crazy. I guess I could have had a free dinner if I had played it right? And by the looks of her and her hubby, they like to eat, so it could've been some good cookin'. I really missed out.