...where my anger comes from? How did I create that anger? What is it? Where did it come from?

I made it! In me. In reaction to something someone said, or did. I'm only hurting myself!

I know people are pissing me off, but why do I have to deal with it? Why can't I just ignore it?

You know, I would so rather laugh and be happy when someone is insulting or cruel to me, but inside I can vividly see them dying in the most horrible and yet creative ways. It's like "Final Destination" 24/7 in my mind!

One time a guy, who I worked with and was very insecure about himself so he was always saying something snotty to me in front of others to make himself feel better, walked in to insult me, but I was demonstrating to some people the new foam ear plugs I was using to sleep with because of construction noise in my building, and didn't hear a single thing he said. I guess I just looked at him blankly and didn't give the slightest reaction, so he became frustrated and stormed out, and I never had a problem with him again. Well, until he laid us all off.

Then, I wonder why I would even get so low and down that I would consider suicide as a viable means of escaping any bad situation? Why would I hurt myself? Am I angry at myself? Isn't thinking just like a program, or software in a computer? Maybe I think too much? Maybe my system crashes just like a computer. Maybe these bad thoughts I have are like viruses? I wish my mind were more like my Mac. It never gets a virus!

Dr. Wayne Dyer said, "When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out, because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside."