...but it may return as it has before. I'm hopeful though. Today, after almost 6 Days of zero sleep, strange and wild hallucinations, a very dear girl called and offered to sing to help me. First, let me say her sweet mother knew of my condition and even knows I'm an atheist, yet her church set about unbeknown to me until later last night, to have an intensive pray session to help with my troubles. This sweet baby called me from her garden, where I could hear birds chirping and began singing to me over the phone. How awesome is that? It's the most beautiful voice in the world! An Angel singing to me! I would love for you to hear her, but maybe it's only for me now. I'm okay with not sharing at this moment. Acapella and over the phone, the connection wasn't great, but it was heaven's choir shining love onto me!

In bed, I stared at the ceiling thinking of her singing to me, how amazing it is someone cared enough about me. After about 3 hours my mind shut down and I slipped into a very deep sleep filled with pleasant happy dreams.

Awaking and trying to remember the dreams, I began thinking about her and how better the world is to have her in it, to do that and tell her family and friends to pray for me, taking time out of all the troubles in their lives and the worries of the world, to try and help me. It makes me feel 1000ft tall!

Trying so hard to hang onto that wonderful feeling, it begins slipping away as a storm approaches. Loud thunder shakes my house. Power flickers off and on, the Internet goes off and after a few hours comes back. The feeling moves away the more I reach for it. I see on the calender rent is near again, even though the last rent has gone unpaid. The jobs I had picked up fell through, unpaid, scams, schemes, shysters... I'm adrift again with utilities and phone disconnections close. There are spiders on the walls and two big black ones in the tub. They are spinning a web for me. When I do sleep again, they will cocoon me, lay their eggs inside me and little spider babies will hatch out of me and eat me alive!

Outside a drunk drives his truck into the middle of an intersection feet from my front door, blocking another car with his girlfriend and her grown son. The drunk man gets out screaming and fighting with her son, punches thrown, clothes ripped, knife pulled and gun drawn. I view this from the crack in my barely open door. The fight continues for several minutes with not a Police vehicle ever approaching.

Even with talking to a friend long distance while this episode was happening, my happiness is fading, my sense of safety, which I never had is remote at best and my hopes for a brighter future begin to dim as I wonder if I will survive much longer. A sense of impending doom moves across my soul like a hot thick black old wool blanket ready to smother me.

I feel muscles tightening, nerve endings being compressed in my spine, intestines knotting, stomach acids bubbling, I'm walking into a dark cave in an already dark jungle, where demons are feeding on me, vampires are draining me and I know there is no exit for me. I'm moving forward, being pulled in, even as I try to look away, my feet are dragging, and I see there's no way to stop this from happening...